伤心吗?以下是如何从分手中幸存下来的方法

不管你和某人交往了多久分手从来就不易。毕竟，你加入伙伴关系是有原因的，你让自己变得脆弱，你形成了强大的债券在一起——所有让你难以释怀的事情。但最重要的是，你离开这段关系也是有原因的——还有你是如何离开的从心碎中走出来会对未来产生影响。当然，放弃生活可能很诱人，把自己关在浴缸里，听一听Ben & Jerry的歌，听一听阿黛尔(Adele)的唱片(这样做是可以的，但不是一个月)，但当你心碎的时候，越早痊愈越好。

分手带来的一线希望是你一路走来的学习经历，以及更好的事情尚未到来的知识。无论你在这段关系中遇到了什么问题——敌对的争吵，破碎的信任，根深蒂固的嫉妒，有毒控制行为——可以把它们放在过去，为更好的事情腾出空间。为了解决分手后的生存问题，我们请来了心理学教练丽莎·塞珀斯·卡门。

“允许自己去感受，”Cypers Kamen说。哭是一种宣泄。In the first moments following a breakup, it's normal (and even healthy) to let out all emotions so we don't bottle them up and have them resurface in future relationships. In this initial grieving period, we often lack the foresight to understand why this breakup was for the best. Instead, set an amount of time to let all emotions out. In other words, allow yourself one day of crying and listening to Adele. Then pull yourself together.

“承认正在发生的事情，”心理学教练说。“否认不是埃及的一条河。”If your breakup came as a complete shock, it's easy to spiral down a hole of alternative facts:这只是暂时的;他会恢复理智的，我们肯定会撞个正着，然后重归于好。停止这些想法，提醒自己分手是有原因的。在这个阶段，你很可能会忽略你们关系中消极的一面，专注于美好的时光，所以对这些无益的想法保持高度的警惕是很重要的，记住要相信你的勇气——如果你们的关系有任何的问题，那很可能就是问题。

“拥抱改变，”Cypers Kamen说。“我们抵制的东西永远存在。”As much as we may want to live in the past and long for happier times, this is entirely unproductive. Find the silver lining in being newly single. Plan a trip you weren't able to go on before. Decorate the way you want. Sign up for a new workout class. Get a haircut. Go out with your girlfriends. Whatever makes you look forward to the future is what you should focus on right now.

分手后我们每个人都有开心的时候和不开心的时候。“认识到弱点，”Cypers Kamen说。“让自己生涩、柔嫩、暴露，这是一种真实的人性表达。”Having a tough day is no reason to relapse into self-pity. Acknowledge your vulnerability. Talk it over with friends or family. Most importantly, know that the rawness you're feeling right now is temporary, but it's part of the healing process.

你知道你很坚强，但这并不意味着你必须独自面对风暴。当我们感到脆弱时，最重要的是不要封闭自己，要学会依赖我们的支持网络。“寻求帮助，”这位幸福专家说。“在充满挑战的时代，联系和支持是至关重要的。”Friends, family, spiritual, or therapeutic support can all be beneficial in helping you heal in a healthy way.

“自我照顾是关键，”Cypers Kamen说。“好好休息、锻炼、晒晒太阳、补充营养、睡个好觉，腾出时间来做一些简单的、令人愉快的消遣。”One of the easiest ways to do all this is to go on a trip with a friend to get your mind off your day-to-day challenges. But if you can't get away, focus on your work/life balance. Now is not the time to bury yourself in work (no matter how tempting). Instead, make a point to leave work early and exercise. Go for walks on the weekend. Pay attention to how you're eating.你越平衡，你的感觉就越好。

这是走出过去关系的关键一步:“回顾并重新定义这段关系教会我们的教训和机会，”Cypers Kamen说。这是一个从你的错误中学习的机会，也是一个原谅他人错误的机会，这样，假以时日，你就可以再次敞开心扉去爱。心理学教练建议这样做:“我很难过、很伤心、很难过，但我很感激这段关系，因为它教会了我关于自己和生活的X、Y、Z。”Write this down and keep it somewhere safe as a reminder for future relationships.

“拥抱希望、乐观和对未来的信念，”Cypers Kamen说。“悲伤的感觉并不好，但这是一种必要的体验。如果我们不能经受住生活的挫折和艰辛，我们就永远不会完全学会庆祝和欣赏生活的乐趣。对比提高意识。”Be thankful for the lessons and life experiences this relationship has taught you, and be hopeful for the future. Know that there are better things to come and welcome every new experience that comes your way with open arms—they may just exceed your expectations.